


Seriously...? Yes.

by aerith105



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Green Lantern - All Media Types, Robin (Comics), Superman - All Media Types, The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Cereal, Cutesy, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fun, Humorous Ending, M/M, Mild Smut, Ridiculous, Romance, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-05-26 10:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6235603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerith105/pseuds/aerith105
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I came up with this because i loved Justice league war. great movie. I love Hal Jordens and Bruce Waynes banter. Amazing movie and because of that i lowkey ship them. This story is based after that movie <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seriously...? Yes.

“Are we still fighting over this?” Bruce lazily looked over at his bronze skinned lover, while propping himself up on his elbow. He invited his boyfriend to live with him instead of just hoping to see each other when they can. Having him move in, made seeing each other a lot easier.

“Yes, we are, Bruce!” Hal Jorden huffed, crossing his arms and turning away from the blue eyed male. Since moving in with Bruce, they had decided on sharing a bedroom, bathroom and bed. What he had not considered was the fact Bruce had wanted to do…it. Well, he knew they were going to sooner or later but what Bruce was suggesting seemed impossible.

Bruce rolled his eyes at Hal’s naked backside, excluding the lime green pajamas Hal was wearing. “Hal, come on,” Bruce told Hal as he scoffed, “This is ridiculous.”

“You would think so.” Hal growled out at the man, who was getting on his nerves. Bruce gulped a bit as his lower half jumped at the sound of Hal’s voice that sounded so sexy at that moment. ‘Come on, Bruce. Not now,’ He mentally told himself as he didn’t want to upset Hal over the fact he is aroused.

“Hal, come on.” Bruce slightly pleaded as Hal obviously ignored him, not wanting to deal with him at all. Bruce sighed, what was he going to do? “Hal, I honestly do not see what the problem is.”

“You don’t?!” Hal jumped up as he angrily turned towards the man who is wearing dark blue satin pajamas. “Of course you wouldn’t see the problem!” Hal smacked his forehead in realization. “Because you’re Bruce Wayne and there’s never a problem you obviously can’t figure out yet this one you haven’t!”

“Well, what is the problem then since I can’t figure it out?” Bruce raised a thin ebony eyebrow at Hal.

“Your ass won’t be penetrated into!”

Bruce stayed quiet a moment. “…That’s what the problem is? Look, I promise at first I’ll be…somewhat gentle.”

Hal gaped at Bruce. “I-I don’t want to be bottomed dammit.” Hal then pouted, which Bruce couldn’t help but think was absolutely adorable. Bruce could not stop help himself from smiling a little at how cute his little lover was. “What are you smiling at, Mr. I-own-satellite ?” 

“Are you ever going to let that go?” Bruce chuckled at the memory and watched as Hal’s anger washed away into a small smirk and a giggle.  
“Nah, I probably won’t.”

“Although when you found out I was real, it was priceless to see that look on your face.” Bruce looked at him and patted the seat next to him, so Hal would join him back on the bed. Hal looked at him a moment, debating if he should. Bruce was still looking at Hal as he finally smiled and sat next to him.

“Heh, yeah I thought you were a little nuts running around in a bat suit.” Hal looked at the man he fell in love with, and the two of them laughed with such amusement. “Who’d thought it’d end up like this?”

“Well, Alfred said he saw it coming a mile away.”

“Pffffffft! There is nothing you can hide from Alfred!” Hal roared with laughter as Bruce joined in slightly chuckling.

“And I would know; he’d always known if I snuck a brownie before dinner as a kid.”

“Oh, I bet, Brucey.” Hal leaned in towards him, looking Bruce im his amazing blue eyes. Bruce leaned in as well, feeling his breath on his lips. Bruce puts his hand on the back of Hal’s neck.

“You drive me fucking crazy.” He murmured out to him, slightly aroused.

“Oh, I know.” Hal purred out as Bruce pulled his open mouth to his out, sliding his tongue into the other mans mouth. The kiss started out sweet but soon turned rough and passionate as Bruce was practically digging his nails into the back of Hal’s neck. He pulled Hal on top of him quite roughly and Hal’s hands were gripping onto Bruce’s hair, tightly. Bruce’s hands left Hal’s neck and traveled down Hal’s perfect physique body, to his perfectly toned ass. God, all Bruce could think about was how fucking hot his body was and perfect his ass was.

He wanted nothing more to fuck it until his ass couldn’t live without his dick in him. Bruce felt him grind his crotch against his own. Bruce groaned into the kiss, feeling his body get hot. He gripped at Hal’s ass so tight, causing Hal to moan ever so slightly as the friction between their crotches became more aggressive. Oh, how Bruce wished both of their pajama pants were off right now. Bruce pulled away and started biting his ear, as Hal made a guttural moan over it.  
“Does this mean you have finally agreed to bottom?” Bruce asked huskily, arousal clearly in his voice, in Hal’s ear.

“Ugh!” He pushed himself away from Bruce, completely annoyed. “Forget it!” Hal pulled on shirt and walked out, slamming the door.

“What did I say?” Bruce mumbled, clearly unsure of what he did.

 

“Is something the matter, Mr. Jorden?” Alfred walked into the kitchen, seeing Hal sitting there at the bar, eating a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch. He originally came down for a late night snack, his devilish indulgence, before bed.

“Pfft, nothing you need to worry yourself over with, Alfred. “Hal took a bite out of his cereal, finding it pretty delicious at that moment.

“Is it over Master Bruce?” 

“Come on, can we, like, not talk about it? Cool. Thanks.”

“…As you wish.” Alfred complied as he quietly went into the pantry and pulled out the oreo case, Alfred then pulled out the milk and a glass and poured himself some milk. Hal was grateful that Alfred didn’t pursue the matter as he was still annoyed over what happened with Bruce to talk about it anymore. “Mr. Jorden, try compromising with Master Bruce.”

“What?” Hal looked at the back of Alfred who put away the milk and had grabbed what he wanted, his oreos and glass of milk.

“Or maybe don’t give him what he wants.”

Hal smiled. That sounded like a great idea! “Right! That can totally work!” His smiled turned into a devilish grin. “Thanks, Alfie!”

“Anytime.” And with that, Alfred walked out with a chuckle. He knew how this was going to end.

“I’ll tease him and not give him anything he wants until he gives in to being bottom.” Hal cackled evilly. “Hal. You are a genius!”

 

A day later, Dick Greyson headed into the kitchen, craving cinnamon toast crunch. It was, after all, his favourite cereal in the whole world. “Mmm…I love, love, loooove this cereal.” Dick hummed to himself all happy. He couldn’t wait to eat cinnamon toast crunch, excited even. Dick pulled out a bowl, a spoon and the box of cinnamon toast crunch. He opened up the box and…three pieces and sugary crumbs fell in. Dicks face immediately fell.

“WHO ATE ALL THE DAMN CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH!?” Dick screeched out, completely upset that someone at it all and just left the box. He really wanted some of that cereal.

Alfred walked in with a raised brow. “What are you screaming so loudly about, Master Dick?”

“Who ate all my cereal?!” Dick glared at Alfred who seemed unfazed by it. “Was it Bruce?”

“Master Dick, its cereal.”

“Was it that damn Tim?”

“No. Master Dick, we are rich. I can just buy more.”

“I BOUGHT THIS WITH MY OWN MONEY!” Dick cried out, angry about his cereal. “Was it that asshole Jason?!”

Alfred sighed; clearly he wasn’t going to listen to reason. “You’re going to really blame your boyfriend?”

“…Yes.”

“The one who hates all breakfast cereal except for Special K for some reason?” Alfred looked at Dick, who went quiet after he said that. “I thought so.”

Dicks eyes all of a sudden lit up with realization. “IT WAS FUCKING DAMIEN WASN’T IT?!”  
“Master Dick—“

“THAT LITTLE SHIT!” Dick ran off to go yell at Damien for eating his cereal before Alfred could get another word in. Alfred sighed. He was living with absolute morons.


	2. Bedroom Performance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hal Jordan talks to Barry about his issues.

“So…Barry, can we talk?” Hal Jordan asked the Flash, dressed in his Green Lantern attire. Right

now, it’s just the two of them in the Justice League Tower; everyone else seems to be 

elsewhere at the moment. Hal was in fact grateful for that, as the conversation they were about 

to have, he didn’t want overheard. He would be mortified if everyone heard them.

“Yeah, Hal,” Barry easily agreed with a smile, “Whatever you need.”

“…If you share this with ANYONE, I’ll kill you in your sleep, Allen.”

“Dude, chill,” Barry laughed a bit at a glaring Hal. “I can keep a secret.”

Hal stopped glaring and stared for a second at him, before finally sighing. “Alright,” Hal bit his 

lip before he continued, “Bruce and I are….having problems in the bedroom.” Hal felt a little 

uneasy about his but he felt Barry would be the person he should talk to about this.

“A little TMI, but alright…” Barry said, a little weirded out he came to him about this. “Can he 

not perform in the bedroom?”

Hal gaped at Barry; how could he think that Bruce could not perform in the bedroom? “What?”

Barry shrugged his shoulders at him. “I mean it happens…a guy his age…”

“No! he can perform just FINE, you weirdo,” Hal huffed at the speedster. ‘Fucking rude is what 

he is,’ Hal thought to himself, annoyed. ‘Besides, Bruce isn’t even that old.’

“Oooooh…does he have…well…you know.”

“No?” Hal raised a brow at the hesitating Flash.

“Ya know, an STD.” Barry then casually asked him while Hal looked like Barry had just insulted 

his mother. “I mean I had heard he got around with the ladies, Hal.”

“Barry, shut the fuck up and let me talk,” Hal glared at the speedster, annoyed at him.

“But—“

“Barry!”

“Geez, alright, I’ll stop guessing.”

“Thank you.” Hal ran a hand through his brown hair. He felt tired and slightly embarrassed all of 

a sudden. “So…Bruce wants me to…” Hal trailed off while looking away, “to bottom.”

Barry started choking on his saliva out of nowhere. Hal raised a brow as Barry tried to calm 

himself and catch his breath. He finally caught his breath with a sigh. “I’m sorry; ahem, continue.”

“Are you sure?”

“I mean I almost died, but yeah go ahead.” Barry nodded to him.

“I mean I don’t know what to do,” Hal sighed at himself. He was at a lost for this whole thing; 

He doesn’t want his ass ripped in two.

“Have you tried to see if he’ll be the bottom?” Barry questioned the tall brunette. Hal groaned 

as he remembered how THAT turned out for him.

 

~~~~Flashback~~~~

Hal pushed Bruce down on to the bed with force as he then sat on top of Bruce. Hal looked at 

Bruce hungrily, like a lion cornering its’ pray. Bruce’s eyes matched Hal’s as he looked over Hal’s 

bronzed body. “Feisty, aren’t we tonight, Hal?” Bruce growled as Hal started leaving bite marks 

on his neck.

Bruce leaned up and felt he needed to bite back. So Bruce did. On Hal’s neck. Hard. Hal moaned 

lowly, loving the feeling of his lovers’ mouth on his body…until he remembered that he was 

supposed to be the one in ch—his thoughts were put to a halt as Bruce started sucking on his 

brown nipple. Hal gripped the covers, panting heavily as Bruce used his free hand to play with 

the other one.

Hal groaned into Bruce as he started rubbing their crotches together, rough and hard. Both of 

them needed the friction bad. Bruce went and licked Hal’s ear sensually, causing the man to 

shiver in pleasure. Bruce kissed Hal’s ear and smirked. Now was the time while Hal was too 

busy writhing underneath him. He started pulling down Hal’s pants, to continue their fun.

Hal felt a breeze on his butt cheeks and his eyes widened. “NO!” He punched Bruce so hard, 

that he hit the floor. Hal ran out of the room, not wanting to continue and trying to pull up his 

pants, though hes still pretty much running in his underwear.

“What the fuck?” Bruce mumbled, rubbing his cheek.

“Oh, Hey Hal-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Damian screamed out in pure terror as Hal 

ran past in his underwear, pants lost, and a bulging erection. “MY YOUNG EYESSSSSSSS!” 

Damian screeched out loud. “THIS IS JUST LIKE WHEN I WALKED IN ON DICK AND JASON!”

\

~~~Flashback End~~~

“Uh…yeah…” Hal rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, cheeks heating up just 

thinking about it. “It didn’t work out.”

“Ah, well, tough luck, man,” Barry patted Hal’s shoulder, feeling some pity for him. He assumes 

it must be hard living with the bat family.

Hal looked at him and decided, its now or never. “So…how do you do it?”

“Do what?” Barry asked confusion evident in his voice.

“Be a bottom, idiot.” He rolled his eyes at the speedster.

“Ex-excuse me?!” Barry asked, incredulously.

 

Meanwhile….

Damian happily sat on the couch, with a delicious piece of banana bread. “And it’s the last 

one.” Damian licked his lips, hungrily. He slowly started to take a bit, savoring the moment 

when Jason all of a sudden burst into the room, screeching. This made everyone run into the 

living room, wondering what was even going on.

“Who the fuck ate my banana bread?!” Jason glared at the people in the room that were 

visible. Damian was hiding behind the couch while Dick, Tim, Barbara and Alfred looked at one 

another, unsure of who did it. Jason looked angrier by the moment. The others were unsure if 

he was gonna shoot them right there.

“Master Jason, we can just buy more banana bread, this is really uncalled for...” Alfred sighed 

as he thought him and Dick were similar in this way when he was mad about his cereal.

“No we cannot!” Jason called out, aching to pull out his gun on them. “I made this damn bread 

with my own two hands! From scratch!”

“I’ll just get some from the store and get you more ingredients,” Barbara offered up to Jason, 

hoping to call the boy down.

“No, it doesn’t work that way! I slaved over making that for 4 hours!”

“Well, maybe make more?” Tim questioned with a brow.

“No you moron, I just said I slaved over it!” Jason growled out, annoyed.

“Babe, look, its just banana bread; you’ll make more,” Dick patted his shoulder then looked at 

everyone else. “What matters is THAT I STILL DON’T KNOW WHO ATE MY CEREAL!”

“ITS JUST CEREAL, DICK!” Jason glared at Dick who glared back as the two started bickering over 

their food. Tim, Barbara and Alfred sighed for the millionth time, extremely annoyed at them. 

Meanwhile, Damian was still hiding behind the couch, enjoying the banana bread quietly 

behind the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I had writers block haha. hope you like it! still open to suggestions if you guys have any :)


	3. Cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone this is the third chapter of my story. it started out as a silly comedy fic which would have been 3-4 chapters and ended in smut. now its taken on to where its got more plot and its pretty much just their lives in their downtime. i have planned more then a few chapters. i am not sure when it will end or when Bruce will take Hal as it had been planned to happen in the last chapter but now i am not so sure when. there will be a few sad chapters. maybe. not sure yet.

Bruce Wayne sighed, frustrated while closing his computer. He could not focus on his work for the life of him for his company, which has been happening frequently because of a tanned god denying him his right to his bounty. Hal not submitting to him was leaving him sexually frustrated, irritated and he was tired of getting blue- balled. He punched him, and then ran off. Every. Single. Time. Bruce rubbed his temples, feeling a headache start to form. “Fucking A, Hal…”

“Trouble in paradise, hm?” A voice mused behind him.

“Oliver, what do you want?” Bruce was in no mood to play games with Green Arrow.

“What? Can’t I visit a good friend?” Oliver raised a blonde eyebrow at the man in the black suit, tailored to fit him perfectly. “Also, why are you in a suit when you’re in your working in your home office?”

Bruce sighed in annoyance. “If you must know, I got back here about two hours ago.” Bruce ran a hand through his soft hair. “Plus I also think Damian has been sneaking in cats with Colin as his distraction.”

“Oh?” Oliver grinned, “You aren’t sure?”

“I’ve been…distracted, “Bruce mumbled lowly, but not low enough that the archer couldn’t hear him.

Oliver did a low whistle, “damn, Hal not letting you do him is screwing you over—bad.”

Bruce’s eyes glared at Oliver’s amused ones. Bruce wanted to punch him in his face so bad so he would not be chipper. “It is incredibly frustrating. Also, fuck you.” Oliver’s shoulders shook in quiet laughter as Bruce growled at him. It actually made the archer laugh out loud. Bruce glowered at him which only made him laugh harder for he thinks this is all hilarious. He hoped Oliver fucking choked on his saliva. He deserved it, the arse. “Done laughing, Oliver?” Bruce sneered to him as Oliver was calming himself down which ended in a few chuckles and him clearing his throat.

“Heh, yeah, I am done laughing at you.”

Bruce rolled his eyes. “Anyways, tell me, how you deal with it.”

“How do I deal with what, Bruce?” Oliver was confused. What was he asking?

The billionaire raised a brow and then said without missing a beat, “How you deal lusting after Barry Allen’s ass.”

Oliver started choking on his own saliva which brought a smirk up to Bruce’s lips. “Excuse you?!” Oliver exclaimed with a tinge of pink on his cheeks.

“Please, don’t even deny,” Bruce looked at him. “I saw how—Billy?” Bruce called out to the open office door. Oliver turned to see Billy Batson in his red sweatshirt and jeans. It also seemed obvious that something was in his sweatshirt. Why? It was moving and Billy was trying to hold it down. The 15 year old almost 16 soon grinned innocently at the two of them.

“Heyo, Bruce,” he turned to the other one, “Oliver.”

“What are you doing here, Billy?” Bruce narrowed his eyes at the teenager. It was well-known in the team that Damian and Billy often fought, though Billy was trying to befriend the dangerous child. Bruce actually hoped Billy and Damian would become friends, as long as Damian’s little boyfriend Colin is okay with it.

“Oh, you know…”The boy trailed off, trying to act as if he had been here a thousand times and trying to keep down whatever was in his shirt.

“…Don’t you and Damian dislike each other?” Oliver crossed his firm but muscular arms. “And a follow up, we do not know.”

“Look, guys I would love to talk, really! But—“ He paused as everyone heard Colin call for Billy. “Got to go!” Billy ran off so fast, he could have given Flash a run for his money.

“Okay, let’s go figure out what B.S. those 3 are trying to pull and then we shall talk.” Oliver suggested to him.

“Agreed.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Tim Drake was in the kitchen, being the cinnamon roll he absolutely is. He was searching for a snack, but he wasn’t sure what he wanted to eat. He hummed lovey-dovey songs as he had just gotten back from his boyfriends, Conner, place. He was just so happy and bubbly; he adored how cute his boyfriend was. He scanned the cabinet and decided there was too much cereal and bread in the cabinet. He frowned as he was what he wanted on each self and decided it was best to pull them out. He first pulled out the cinnamon toast crunch and the first loaf of bread he saw and set them on the counter.

“AHA!” Two voices exclaimed from behind him. “We caught you!” and they caused poor Tim to jump 3 feet in the air as he had not expected them to come out of nowhere. He turned to see a smug Dick and a gun holding Jason. He was all of a sudden worried for his life. With Jason, you never know what can happen if you even talk about him in a weird way.

“And you said you didn’t eat my cereal!” Dick proclaimed to the now confused Tim. He blinked twice, wondering why he thought this. He really was telling the truth. Tim never ate his cereal.

“And you little piece of shit said you did not eat my home made banana bread, since you just pulled some out for yourself!” Jason growled to him, waving his gun in his direction as Tim gulped still extremely confused.

“Huh…?” he stated until he looked at the counter and it clicked. They thought he was lying because he set said items on the counter. “Oh no, I just moved these,” Tim explained softly. “I wanted the Trix and everything bagels.”

“So…” Dick put his hand on Jason’s gun, lowering it. “You just moved them out of the way?”

“Of course, I would not lie to you, Dick.”

“Ah, fuck, Babe, I told you this was a stupid way to catch the thief!” Jason shoved his gun back into its holster.

“I don’t see you coming up with any ideas!” Dick shot back at his lover.

“I did! You shot them fucking down.”

“They were too dangerous,” Dick rolled his eyes.

“You’re such an asshole”

“Prick.”

“Dumbass.”

“Rude fuck.”

“Stupid bitch.”

“Dick.”

“Nancy-boy.”

“Fuck you.”

“No,fuck you!”

“Fine! So flipping do it, Todd!” Dick growled out to Jason as the both of them were immensely turned on by this argument. Jason attacked Dick’s mouth with such a fiery passion that Dick melted into his arms, the two intensely making out. They forgot their trivial matters, whereabouts and…poor Tim Drake. He decided that he will eat later. If he could ever eat something again, feeling sick to his stomach.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As Bruce and Oliver walked towards Damian’s room, a cat ran from up to him, causing them to stare down at it. The cat was a beautiful chocolate brown with black spots over its dark brown eyes, almost black and it was as fluffy as you could imagine it. The cat mewled as it rubbed up against Bruce’s legs. Bruce picked it up and the cat started purring, which caused Bruce to raise a brow at the cat. He thought this was one oddball cat if it’s purring for him. “Aw, Bruce, kitties love you; brooding and all,” Oliver pipped up amused which earned an annoyed look from Bruce. As Bruce was about to say something, he saw out of the corner of his eye, looking down the hallway.

He could tell he was searching for something. He had an idea what it was as he looked at the purring cat. Oliver and him walked over to the child. “Missing something, Damian?”

“Ah, Father!” Damian exclaimed rather loud. “I did not expect to see you or Queen anytime soon,” Damian said annoyed crossing his arms…until he saw what his father was holding. “Chewy!” Damian called out to the animal in his Father’s arms that mewled to him.

“Chewy?” Bruce and Oliver voiced out, each with a questioning sound to their voice. They both knew Damian could come up with a much better name for the animal with how smart he was.

“Yes, Father and Queen; he is named after Chewbacca,” Damian stated as matter-of-factly, like it was so obvious.

“Yo-You know Star Wars?” Oliver sputtered out before Bruce could say anything about it.

Damian nodded. “Jordan and I watch it in our down time.” Bruce was genuinely surprised that Damian and Hal hung out together. When they started the relationship, Damian completely refused it saying Hal will never be his father and stalked off. He never would have that that the two bonded over star wars of all things. Especially since Damian hated watching any kind of television. Bruce was actually glad that the two of them were getting along and such since both of them meant a lot to him.

“Oh,” Bruce mumbled out finally. “Here I guess then,” he said as he handed the cat back to Damian which mewled happily. He then turned and walked off with Oliver, without saying another word. Oliver looked back a few moments with curious eyes like he wanted to say something to Damian. Instead it seemed like he decided against it and continued on his way.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Damian sighed, annoyed at himself for letting this happen. “Don’t you ever do this again, Chewy.” Damian scolded the cat and it meowed as if to answer him. He walked back to his room where Colin and Batson were with all the other animals. Well, with all the other cats.

“Do you think that he suspects more than one?” Colin, Damian’s boyfriend, asked curiously.

“If he does, it’s because Batson almost blew it,” Damian stated, pointing a finger towards Billy.

Billy’s jaw dropped. “Hey, you told me your dad was at work still, so it’s not like I planned it on purpose.” Billy could see Damian wanted to hit him but Colin went over and whispered some soothing words to the angsty 13 year old. Billy felt something in his stomach that made him feel sick and a little bit angry at this scene; he knew he was jealous. “Besides, I am quite positive we are in the clear,” Billy rolled his eyes at them then forced a grin on his face as he happily went and petted the cat.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“So why the hell do you think I’m lusting after Barry’s ass?” Oliver questioned as soon as they were back in Bruce’s office.

“Well, Oliver, I’m the world’s greatest detective,” Bruce smirked, “and it’s pretty obvious; Barry is just oblivious.” Oliver looked like he wanted to decline but instead he sighed.

“Fuck,” was all Oliver said to him causing the billionaire to chuckle a bit.

“So how do you hold back, Oliver?”

“I don’t know, Bruce,” Oliver sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Force of sheer will?”

“That is useless to me.”

“Hey you asked how I don’t attack Barry when I see that perfect heart shaped ass in that speedster outfit and god do I really want to fucking molest his ass with my bare hands,” Bruce could see Oliver’s mouth water thinking on it. He was a little grossed out. “I want to hear him moan my name as I—“

“Please stop,” Bruce interrupted before he could be scarred further.

Oliver grinned sheepishly, and then said “you could try an aphrodisiac?”

“I…actually haven’t even thought of that.”

Oliver had a shit eating grin on his face. “And where would you be without me?”

“I would be perfectly fine and patrolling Gotham.”

“That’s just rude, Bruce.”

“Only a little bit,” Bruce slightly grinned at his friend. They all of a sudden hear mewling. They looked around but couldn’t see anything. Bruce heard it coming from behind his closed office door. Bruce walked over and opened it. Chewy rubbed up against his legs and Bruce was like ‘I don’t like cats.’ Oliver chuckled and was about to say something but they heard a loud thundering noise. They looked at each other as Chewy continued rubbing up against Bruce. It almost sounded like a stampede.

“What is that?” and as soon as Oliver said that, thousands of cats came flooding in. “Looks like they were sneaking cats in.”

“DAMIAN!”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“And I do believe I have you told you boys, more than once, not to do this,” Alfred scolded the blushing shirtless Dick and the annoyed pants-less Jason. The first time they were fucking in the kitchen, Damian had walked in and screeched so loud Alfred and Bruce thought Damian was dying. Alfred came down and had scolded them with Bruce in the background with his arms crossed. Damian didn’t leave his room for two weeks after that.

“Sorry, Alfred,” Dick mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. Jason didn’t say anything so Dick elbowed him in the stomach. Jason glared a moment before casting his eyes down.

“Yeah, whatever, sorry,” Jason grumbled out to them finally.

“Good. Now that that is over with, “ Alfred straightened his tie up, “you two are going to clean the kitchen.”

“What?!” Both men exclaimed over what the butler said. No fucking way were they gonna clean up the kitchen. No fucking way.

“Just do it and get it over with, Master Dick and Master Jason.” Alfred then stalked off saying, “I expect it to spick and span in an hour!” Alfred was now gone from their view.

Dick groaned loudly while Jason cursed some colorful words under his breath. Dick and Jason then looked at each other. First Dick broke out in a grin and Jason followed suit. The two of them all of a sudden broke up into laughing their asses off. They just thought the whole thing was ridiculous and just laughed and laughed and laughed until their sides hurt. When they calmed down, Dick smiled sweetly at a grinning Jason. “I love you, Jason.” Jason kissed the top of Dicks forehead and mumbled against it saying,

“I love you, too, babe.” They parted and Dick went to get the cleaning supplies. He brought them back and the two of them started cleaning up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp 3rd chapter. took me some time as i was like bleh and shizz. but it out and hopefully i get out chapter 4 soon and such and talk about what happen with Hal and Barry.


	4. Call Me Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang goes around the mansion and the tower singing call me maybe at random times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was actually just because i saw a comic that had Clark singing it and Bruce told him to shut up and Dick then shows up trying to sing the rest. if anyone wants to see it let me know, its great. but so i thought i am so doing this. and thus is called the "Call Me Maybe Chapter". the one that continues with what happened with Hal and Barry will be after this one.  
> welp. Enjoy :)

Call Me Maybe

 

 

 A day after the events of the cats running into Bruce’s office, he and Barbara Gordon were walking down the hallways of Wayne Mansion(well she was wheeling down it), and talking about tonight’s patrol of Gotham. She mentioned that Penguin was stealing from some of the wealthy families and that Bruce needed to prepare as he had something new up his sleeve. Bruce was obviously nodding along, so she’d know he was listening. He was about to say something to her but he paused, hearing something loud and obnoxious. It seemed o get louder as they went down the hallway.

“Do you hear that, Barbara?”

“Do I hear what?” Barbara questioned with a raised brow.

“Listen,” Bruce shushed her as they neared a door. He assumed it was the bathroom as there was steam coming out of the bottom of the door. They paused in front of it. Bruce was right. He did hear something obnoxious and annoying down the hallway.

“—and this is crazy,” the voice sang loud, “but here’s my number; so call me maybe~.” Bruce opened the door to see Dick serenading himself in the mirror as the shower was obviously in use. He hoped it wasn’t Jason as he shuddered. He was singing that damn song—AGAIN. He was tired of hearing it every day for the last few months. “It’s hard to look right at you baaaby!” Dick sang loudly to his reflection, happily enjoying himself.

“Dick!” Bruce groaned out, irritated with him and that stupid song. Barbara giggled thinking it was the most ridiculous thing in the world, which just infuriated Bruce more. Dick, wrapped up in a white fluffy robe, looked at Bruce and grinned.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up about that damn song,” Bruce growled out, “I’m tired of hearing it while I’m trying to work.”

“…” Dick blankly looked at him, shower in the background still going with the music from his phone going as well.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…And all the other boys try to chaaase me—“Dick stopped midway as Bruce threw his phone into the water. By this point Barbara was going into a laughing fit as Dick scrambled for his phone. Bruce pushed Barbara’s wheelchair as she couldn’t stop from her laughing. He slammed the door as Dick cradled his wet phone and smirked, happy that the phones music shut off. He started walking down the hallway, still pushing Barbara as she finally calmed down from her laughing fit.

“Was that necessary?” Barbara smiled at the eldest Wayne.

“Always,” he smirked at her.

They turned a corner when he heard Jason yell from the bathroom, “Bruce that was rude as fuck doing that to my fiance!”

“Then make him find a different song!” Bruce called out, knowing he was actually thankful, and continued on his with Barbara laughing again.

 

 

Two days later, Tim, Conner, his cousin Kara, Bruce and Hal were sitting in the living room, just watching the television. Tim and Conner were sitting on a black leather loveseat, he was cuddling into Conner who had his arm around Tim, holding him close, Kara was sitting on a laz-e-boy all by herself across from them and Hal had his head against Bruce’s shoulder with Bruce’s arm around Hal’s shoulders as they sat on the matching couch in between Kara’s seat and the loveseat. Kara wanted to come along and hang out with Conner and Tim as she hadn’t spent time with them in a while. She hadn’t expected to spend time with Bruce and Hal as well. In all honesty it was supposed to be just the three of them but the other two joined them on their movie watching, which was The Conjuring.

It was real quiet as they watched the horror movie, and only the screams of the movie could be heard in the dark room. Kara looked real into it, and actually seemed a bit scared of the movie, which Conner thought was amusing for his Kryptonian cousin. Hal looked over at her, glad she didn’t feel like a third wheel. If anything he could tell she was happy to be there. It made him smile and he then turned back to the movie. He honestly couldn’t see how everyone thought The Conjuring was terrifying; he’s seen much more terrifying things than this. He thinks the movie is good, plot wise but that was it.

The silence besides the movie was bliss. They felt calm and it was nice…that was until Tim’s cellular device went off randomly. “Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my number so call me maybe.” Everyone looked at a now blushing Tim Drake. His phone kept playing that damn song and Tim felt embarrassed whom messed with his phone. “Sorry,” he mumbled shy and turned his phone off. “Dick was using my phone this morning, he must have changed my ringtone.”

“Who is even calling you?” Conner questioned his boyfriend, wondering who’d even call his boyfriend, feeling jealous.

“Um,” Tim looked at the phone, “its, um, Dick.” Conner rolled his eyes, relieved that it was only him.

“I hate that fucking song,” Bruce grumbled as everyone, including Conner, laughed at him. Bruce heard this damn song all the time. He had a reason to hate it. Hal still thought it was hilarious. Bruce did not.

 

The next day, Colin walked into the mansion, in hopes of seeing his boyfriend, Damian. Alfred had let him in, letting him know that he was out with Billy and that they would be back soon. So, Colin went into the living room and sat on the couch. He sat for about five minutes. He got bored pretty quickly, so he decided to sing one of his favourite songs that he knew by heart.

“I threw a wish in the well, don't ask me I'll never tell,” Colin sang softly to himself. “I looked at you as it fell, and now you're in my way. I trade my soul for a wish, pennies and dimes for a kiss,” Colin started tapping his feet and moving his hands in a sort of movement that looked like a dance. “I wasn't looking for this, but now you're in my way,” Colin’s voice started singing louder. “Your stare was holding, ripped jeans, skin was showing, hot night,” Colin’s whole boy was actually moving at his point. He seemed to have lost it in the song and forgotten where he was for the moment.

“Wind was blowing, where you think you're going baby?” Colin jumped up on the couch, dancing and singing extremely loud. “I just met you and this is craaazy but here’s my number—“

“NO!” Bruce and Jason busted in together, Bruce in a business suit and Jason in just his pajama pants.

“Whaa?!” Colin looked at them and jumped up at them. He looked confused. “What did I do?”

“That song is shit, kid,” Jason scoffed out to Colin.

“Um…it is?” He asked a bit shy at the scary guy.

“YES.” Jason told Colin, eyes glaring.

“But I like it…” Colin trailed off as he looked at the ground.

“That song is forbidden here,” Bruce told the young boy.

“But—“

“FORBIDDEN!!”

“Yes sir,” Colin mumbled out, sad he couldn’t listen to it here. Oh well. Colin can sing it all the time outside the mansion, anyways.

 

A week had gone by with Bruce not hearing ‘Call Me Maybe,’ and he was thrilled. He left his office, as he was working for a bit, to join his family and guests at the dinner table. He was actually glad he had time to do this. The table consisted of Bruce sitting at one end and, in this order, on his left sat Hal, Barbara, Tim and Conner; on his right was two empty seats then Jason, Dick, Mary(Billys twin sister), Billy, Damian and Colin almost at the very end. The dinner was actually pretty quiet and nice, but Bruce was wary. He had a feeling someone would sing it.

A few of the people at the table started talking amongst themselves. Bruce watched them all talk and smile about it. He enjoyed the small talk everyone was making, it’s probably the only time he would. He looked at his lover affectionately, watching him laugh at whatever Barbara told him. He immediately thought there was no way he could lose Hal. Then the good mood Bruce was in, vanished instantly. He _heard_ it.

“Hey, I just met you,” Dick started before Bruce immediately interrupted him, throwing a bread roll at Dick, hitting him in the forehead. “Ow!”

“I told you no.”

“Hmph,” Dick stuck his tongue out at Bruce which caused a few to giggle and Bruce rolled his eyes.

“Damian, we need to talk about all the cats you let live in the batcave.” Bruce wiped his mouth and narrowed his eyes at the boy. He really needed to talk to him to make sure he knows they don’t need all those cats…especially since Bat-Cow was down there with them.

Damian sipped his drink, before setting it down. “Yes, Father, I agree.” Damian stared down at Bruce. “We should probably hire someone to clean up after all of them.”

“What?” Bruce exclaimed out before Kara broke out,

“And this is crazy, but here’s my number—“

“Kara!” Conner and Jason broke out as she grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Just don’t sing it again, Jesus fucking Christ.” Jason grumbled out to her as she was still sheepishly grinning.

“Anyways—“

“It’s hard to look right at you baaaby,” Hal interrupted Bruce with him singing, as he felt left out. He then giggled about it as Bruce stared at him in disbelief. He couldn’t believe Hal had sung in, joining them.

“But here’s my number, so call me maybe!” Billy, Mary and Colin sang out together as Damian rolled his eyes at the annoying song.

“Stop!” Jason, Bruce and Conner exclaimed out with irritated looks. Conner saw Tim was about to sing the next part so he stopped it before Tim could. Everyone went silent. If someone dropped a pen, it could be heard over how silent it was.

“That damn song is a fucking cursed!” Jason exclaimed. “Everyone just shut the hell up!”

“What Jason means is that the next person to sing Call Me Maybe will do grunt work.” Bruce explained to everyone. “And I sure as hell mean it.”

“Bruce!” Hal exclaimed to him. “Watch your language.”

“Right, there are kids here,” Bruce grumbled out. He rolled his eyes and sat back down in his seat. The entire table was silent, save for everyone’s chewing. Bruce was extremely grateful for this silence…at least he was. For about five minutes at least.

“And all the other boys try to chaase me, but here’s my number, so call me maybe!”

Bruce stood up, angry. “Dick! You’re doing grunt work!”

“Whoa, hey, wait a minute! That wasn’t even me!” Dick protested to him as he knew that he had not even sung that damn song.

“S’true,” Jason defended his fiancé with food in his mouth.

“Then who was it?” Bruce looked around at the table at everyone.

“Whoever sang it is the worst type of person,” Damian pointed out to everyone.

“Agreed.” Bruce nodded. Too bad no one knew who it was. Too bad nobody figured out that Damian was the one who sang that last time.

 

Some days later, Bruce had worked a long night and a long morning at Wayne Enterprise and his night as the bat; so by now he just wanted a sandwich as he was starving. He walked into the kitchen, setting his briefcase down, and loosened his tie. He sat down at the bar as he called out for Alfred as he sat there. Alfred shortly appeared, asking what Bruce wanted. “Can you make me a sandwich, please, Alfred?”

“Would you like the usual, sir?” Alfred raised a brow at Bruce, making sure.

“God, yes, Alfred,” Bruce immediately agreed, happy to finally getting some food in his stomach. He sat there at the bar, waiting on his food quietly. He rubbed the back of his neck, thinking he would ask Hal for a neck rub. Bruce then sighed, thinking on Hal as he hadn’t much chance to hang with Hal and try to use the aphrodisiac method. The two of them have had a busy schedule, barely being able to see one another except maybe sleeping in bed or seeing at each other at the tower. Saddened him really, but he would never admit that. He looked up to see Alfred setting a plate with his sandwich on it and a can of soda down. “Thanks a lot, Alfred,” Bruce nodded to him.

“Anytime, sir,” Alfred did a slight nod at his master, a smile on his face. “Would you like anything else, sir?”

“No thanks, Alfred,” Bruce picked up his sandwich. “I just want to eat alone.”

“As you wish, Master Bruce,” and Alfred then took off, doing whatever he normally does. Bruce took a bite of his food and was munching happily. He loved the sandwiches Alfred made but…he honestly has no idea what was in the sandwich. He ate it regardless, still feeling bright. Then he heard music….the kind he hated so much.

“I threw a wish in the well, Don’t ask me, I’ll never tell,” the voice sang out to the music behind Bruce. Bruce turned to see who it was, but the music stopped and no one was there. It sounded a lot like Dick, he was sure of it. Anyways he shrugged it off, faced forward and started eating again.

A few minutes later he heard behind him to his right, “I looked at you as it fell,” saw nothing so he looked to his left, ”And now you're in my way.” He looked back to his right and saw no one and the music once again stopped playing. He thought he heard Kara singing but he thought it was all in his head. He goes back to eating his delicious sandwich.

“I trade my soul for a wish Pennies and dimes for a kiss,” then it ended as soon as Bruce turned around again, obviously annoyed as fuck.

“Barry!” Bruce called out to the empty room. “I hear your speedster ass! Get out,” He glared at the ground. No answer but he felt a slight breeze go by and all the windows in the kitchen were closed. He sighed and went back to eating again. He wonders if he will finish this damn sandwich.

“I wasn't looking for this

But now you're in my way,” the voices chorused out as he heard them from the hallway. He thought it sounded a lot like Barbara and Tim. He feels like everyone was out to fucking mess with him.

“Guys, I swear to god, I’ll kill you all singlehandedly!” No answer as it was completely silent. He sat for ten minutes, waiting to see if anyone was going to sing. No one did apparently so he took the last two bites of his sandwich. He grinned. That sandwich was fucking delicious.

“Your stare was holding,” Dick sang out to the music playing as he walked in the kitchen.

“Dick,” Bruce growled out, gritting his teeth, especially when Hal joined Dick.

“Ripped jeans, Skin was showing,” Hal was moving his hips and that distracted Bruce…but only for a moment.

Barbara was then wheeled in by a floating Kara, with Tim beside her as they sang their part of the song. “Hot night, Wind was blowing—“

The kitchen door burst open with a “Where you think you’re going baby?” and he saw an annoyed Damian whit Colin and Barry on his left side and Billy and Oliver on his right.

“Jesus, what the fuck, guys,” Bruce growled out, bewildered at what was even going on.

Then everyone started singing together to the music as loud as they could.

“Hey I just met you

And this is crazy

But here's my number

So call me maybe!” Everyone started dancing to the song, even Damian moved a little to please Colin. Bruce just face palmed as to why any of this was happening to him.

“It's hard to look right at you baaaby

But here's my number

So call me maybe!” What? Where the fuck had Jason and Conner come from?? He thought they hated this song.

“But here's my number

So call me maybe

And all the other boys

Try to chaaase me

But here's my number

So call me maybe!” Everyone chorused, gleefully.

“…is this seriously fucking necessary?” Bruce groaned out to them.

“You took your time with the call,” Diana appeared out of nowhere, singing, “I took no time with the fall.”

“Diana?!”

“You gave me nothing at all, But still you're in my way,” Arthur pipped in with his part and had a smirk on his face.

“What the hell is going on?!” Bruce exclaimed before Alfred chimed in with Hal as well.

“I beg, and borrow and steal At first sight and it's real I didn't know I would feel it, But it's in my way,” Alfred and Hal grinned at one another as Bruce was like ugh I hate life.

Oliver then sang his own part, “Your stare was holdin',

Ripped jeans,

skin was showin'.”

Then Tim and Conner chorused with Jason and Dick, “Hot night, wind was blowin'.”

Then everyone but Bruce broke out in perfect harmony, “Where you think you're going, baby?”

“Off a fucking cliff,” was Bruce’s answer to this.

“Hey, I just met you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe!”

“If there is a God, why the hell, why?” Bruce stared up at the ceiling.

“It's hard to look right At you baaaby,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe!

Hey, I just met you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe!” Bruce wondered if he killed them, he’d be okay with it. Be okay with killing everyone and being alone; just to avoid EVER hearing this song again. “And all the other boys,

Try to chaaase me,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe!”

“God, is it finally fucking over?” Bruce inquired hopefully, that it would be over now.

Barbara, Diana, Kara, Arthur, Barry and Oliver sang this next part, much to Bruce’s disappointment, “Before you came into my life

I missed you so bad

I missed you so bad

I missed you so, so bad

Before you came into my life

I missed you so bad

And you should know that

I missed you so, so bad (bad, bad).” Then everyone was quiet. The music was still playing but it sounded like it was ending.

Bruce sighed in relief. “Oh thank you God, I never want to hear that song aga—“he stopped as Clark burst in the kitchen, still in his superman suit, at fucking random. What the hell? Wasn’t he supposed to be halfway across the world saving a small country?

“It's hard to look right At you baby,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe!!!” Clark then winked at a shocked Bruce. Bruce banged his head against the counter as everyone chorused together and had the music playing loudly. “Hey, I just met you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe!

And all the other boys,

Try to chaaase me,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe!” Bruce desperately wanted to say something as he stopped banging his head against the counter, but he couldn’t remember because of the damn music. “Before you came into my life

I missed you so bad

I missed you so bad

I missed you so, so bad

Before you came into my life

I missed you so bad

And you should know that

So call me, maybe!” Everyone sang happily at the end. They all cheered each other on and saying they did absolutely great. They all just wanted to honestly mess with Bruce and they had succeeded and had so much fun together. Not so much fun for Bruce though. He was ready to kill everyone in the kitchen.

“Hold up!” he called out to everyone in his fucking kitchen. “Why the _fuck_ are you all here in _my_ damn _house_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this random chapter that honestly didn't really have much to do with the storyline haha.

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys i hope you liked it :) chapter 2 will be up soon. if anyone has suggestions, feel free to share :)


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